Challenges and the weekend. Every weekend seems to be so hard for me. I want to continue to have one “rest” day. I decided to call it that day because “off day” made me think I could eat like I used to eat. But I tried yesterday to eat, relaxed, a bit – enjoy normal foods, but in normal or smaller portions. I did well at lunch. I had been craving a tuna melt sandwich, yum! So I had one, it was deelish. It came with a large side of fries which I decided to NOT have them bring out, and instead I stole three or four of my husbands fries, just to get the taste. Then I also had an iced water with it.
I had a healthy, on-plan breakfast, kept drinking water, and then had ice cream that afternoon when the family went out for it (we were out and about with my parents, as well), so I had ice cream and didnt finish it – even though I got a “medium”, it was still too big and I knew it. I am going to make it a point to get a small, no matter what, next time. I never need more than a small. I was a bit restless last night and wanted to eat, I tried to keep it under control.
However, today is a new day and I want very much to be back on track with my eating. However, I got a call early this morning just as I was getting out of bed, from my parents saying my brother’s family is coming into town and that she and my dad were going to host a big bbq. I know I’ve talked about the bbqs here before, but there is always a lot of food, and all comfort foods that I grew up with and even when i got married, the menu is always the same when we all get together for family occassions, and so it’s this mental torture thing, going there and not partaking of everything… in excess.
But today, hearing the news didnt excite me like it usually does. It frustrated me. I already felt like I was up against this huge thing, I was going to have to FIGHT every moment to stop of inahling all those foods. On one hand, I’m so irritated that food has such a hold on me. On second thought, I’m frustrated already about the anxiety I’m going to face while I fight it, too. I haven’t gone to one of these family events, before, feeling like I do now – really determined to stay on track. I want it MORE than I want the food. I am going to go prepared, drink tons and tons of water, stick to the salad and grilled chicken, bring myself a desert – pistachio pudding (that isnt allowed on my eating plan either, but hell, it’s JELLO which will be better than whatever they decide to have – which btw is often CHIPS and PASTRIES)… I do with the pistachio pudding was sugar free, oh well. Maybe I can bring a veggie and/or fruit plate to use as my own appetizer.
I’m anxious and irritated. But this is a big test for me – I want to go, keep busy, eat well and have a good time enjoying my family… not focusing on the challenge, what I can’t have and the anxiety that usually overtakes me. Here we go!
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