I’ve been wandering around the blogosphere. Specifically in the weight-loss/body-image/fat-is-beautiful areas since that’s where I am at right now.
Reading some of the blogs, I feel almost guilty for wanting to shed the extra weight I’m carrying around.
I feel like I should be happy with the weight that I am and learn to be healthy at this size according to them.
I’m sorry. I can’t do that.
Now before the torches and pitchforks get raised, here me out.
Overall, I have a pretty healthy body image. I wouldn’t say it’s overly positive because I look in the mirror and see what needs to be changed. I have a belly that needs to go away.
Yes, I think I will look much better when all the weight is gone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t look good now. I have a very large pair of pillows stuck to the front of my chest that fill out my clothes and give me some nice cleavage (whether I want it or not a good portion of the time). I love that part. I love how when I do have extra weight on my face I get a little dimple in my cheek. It’s really kind of charming. At the same time, I use the dimple as a measure as to how much weight I’ve lost/gained as to how obvious it is.
On the negative side, I do have a belly that sticks out in the front and on the sides. That’s what I want to go away. I don’t want a six pack, I don’t think that will ever happen and frankly, I don’t want it to. I just want something a tad bit flatter. A little cushioning there is not a bad thing.
For me, I believe the weight I am at currently is not a healthy one. I want to be at a healthy weight. It’s why I am aiming for 150. It’s 67 pounds away right now, but I know with developing a better relationship with food and exercising more often, I’ll get there and stay there.
I think a lot of the blogs out there may be confusing body-image and self-image. I see them as two very different things. While my body-image may be slightly negative right now, my self-image is actually very positive. I know who I am and what I am worth. Even if I am overweight, I’m worth being paid attention to, taken seriously, and admired.
Maybe I’m odd in the fact that I can separate the two from each other. I try not to let my body-image get entangled with my self-image. The emphasis is on the word try.
I’m not always successful at it. I do have days where I think I’m crap, because I’m feeling every ounce of weight because I happened to put on an outfit that accentuated every negative curve and my “tummy-sucker-inner” device didn’t help an ounce. Those days I don’t feel so good about myself, but their not that often and I usually have a sit down with myself about halfway through the day and try to snap myself out of it.
A lot of people are decrying weight watchers and calling it a diet. Yea, I guess it is. But anything anyone eats is a diet. My diet before weight watchers wasn’t nearly as healthy as it is now. Albeit, that was only a week ago.
The one thing I have/am learning is via weight watchers is to develop a better relationship with food. I’m learning what foods will fill me up and keep me full.
I’m also learning portion control. I don’t HAVE to eat a whole bag of grapes, a single cup leaves me satisfied. Even with “junk” food. Eating it in the portions that the bag reccomends leaves me with the satisfying feeling that I had something yummy and makes the bag last a whole lot longer.
Not only is portion control better for my health, it’s better for my wallet too!
In everything, any one of these diets or programs, you get out of it what you put into it. I’ve decided to go with Weight Watchers, not because of the commercials on television, but because I’ve seen the radical change not only in weight but in thought processs about food that friends and family have gone through and I wanted that for myself.
Okay, I’m off my soap box for now. It’s late and the morning comes early.
Good night!
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